hope LESS

i know it sounds bitter but don't get your hopes up so high that they're completely out of reach.
i finally found hope in a person who i believed was on the same level and wanted the same things as i do but in all actuality, this person has NO IDEA what they want.
one minute it's all good, we're enjoying each other's company, talking bout the future and the next minute there is NO future....
i've been built up and let down so many times in my life that i can no longer count them on one hand.
i dont go out looking for relationships. i let them come to me. and when they do (which is rarely), i embrace them with everything i have.
im tired of scared ass little boys (who are older than me, btw) who are afraid to settle down, or open up, for that matter.
i'm sorry you've been hurt by other girls. i'm sorry that you're emotionally unstable.
but dont put up a front and act like you're ready to be with me when you're really not.
i understand your hustle and your lifestyle. we live an extremely similar lifestyle.
i dig change. i NEED change. and i thought i found it but it's all the same shit that i've been through a thousand times over.
i DESERVE to be happy. i DESERVE to be taken care of.
i've taken care of other people all my life! it's MY turn!
i'm a good person. and a bomb ass girlfriend, if i do say so, myself.
im all about individuality, and equality and space.
i don't expect you to leave your crew and be all mine....just make me a part of whatever it is you do.
if not, fine, just come home to me at the end of the night.
thats all i ask.
you do you, i'll do me, and we'll meet somewhere in between and make it happen.
just stop being so effin' SCARED!!!!!!!
just cuz you got your heart broken in the past by some bitch, it doesn't mean all girls are the same!
if i allowed myself to become bitter and put up a wall to keep people from coming into my life, i'd be an emotional cripple!
i'm sorry. i'm just being honest.
grow the fuck up and figure your shit out.
get your mind right and stop fuckin with other people's emotions (as well as your own).

i'm only venting here because i dont feel the need to call and cry to someone about my problems.



anita g.

i want out!

dont get me wrong.
i love my city.
i love my homies.
but i hate the fact that EVERYONE has beef with someone!
either that or someone brings up old shit about you that doesn't even matter, or never DID matter and turns it into something completely immature and irrational.
i need new people in my life.
people that are on my level.
people that can just relax.
i need to relax.
but its hard when all your friends are stressed or stressing you about something or the other....
i need easy going, free spirited, educated individuals who will sit and chat with me instead of yelling over the blaring music at the bar.
i mean, i'm not trying to run away from ANYTHING or ANYONE in particular.
i'm not even running.
i'm taking my time.
i just crave diversity.
i crave experience.
i crave new personalities and faces i've never seen.
lips i've never kissed.
hands i've never held.
minds i've never explored.
the exchange of words with new society i guess.
i'm not meant to be in one place.

pray for me.